Invisible Women: Exposing Data Bias in a World Designed for Men by Caroline Criado-Perez

Normally I would have the cover of the book as an image for the blog, but this book broke my heart into a million pieces. How does one (as a woman) recover from the blatantness of being ignored universally when building a world? And realise that it was not even worth to do it 'deliberately', we are not even in the realm of the conscious let alone relevant?

Note: Obviously, not all men, not all systems, not all women, not all the time.

It is a well written book and the data is extensive, Caroline has made efforts to go as diverse as possible, spanning countries and areas where bias is too stark to ignore. She talks about the bias at work, home, public spaces, how retirement is calculated, transport, universities (recently, I was told (by a leader) that my co-facilitator(man) is soft spoken and easily intimidated and I should back off. With me, under his own admission the same soft-spoken man says, he was playing politics and trying to teach the leadership a 'lesson' for not planning well and then refused to put any useful work on paper. When I stepped in, the leadership assumed I was taking over and I didn't have the experience to; I have been a facilitator for 25 years - SCREAM NOW), design, wars, public life, going to doctors, disasters, every frigging thing in life.

I have written a whole bunch of data in my notes, like,

1. Globally women do 3 times more of unpaid work than men and women have less access to household finances than men.

2. 97 billion hours a year is spent of women trying to find a place to relieve themselves.

3. Until 5 years, girls see genius associated with men and women and post 6 it drastically changes and women disappear from their drawings.

4. Low paid work choses women, not the other way around, so we can keep the flexibility.

but realise I could be 'picking' statements out of context, you need to read the book to wrap your head around the hidden-ness of the mindset and get your mind blown too.

The overwhelming data gives no room to say things to women like, 'so many women work and they don't complain about gut-wrenching periods and the inability to focus on work'? My tired and repetitive response, ''why would random women complain to you"? He actually thought he was being objective and rational. I wish I could throw this book at him (to read of course), but sadly, it won't make a dent. Why read something that will shake your sense of self to the core. To remain strong in your belief is to dismiss all others, including period experiences. I was also told that he finally believed abuse happened in families when he heard a stranger at a party talk about it, I had told him some personal experiences (mine and others) years before this stranger-man confirmed it for him. But he is objective and fair. Its small things like this said with zero emotion that makes me a screaming banshee and him a calm, collected person. He is well loved for his calmness by all men and women alike and I get the opposite of that - it is not bias, I am an aggressive woman, right?

My grandmother had an active life outside of home, she did what she wanted to do. A lot of credit goes to my grandfather, people say he was amazingly open, I saw that too. But my grandmother never gave any room for complaint - she finished every 'responsibility' that was designated as 'hers' spectacularly. She was a hard working woman who knew that to do what she wanted to do, she needed to do a lot of things first. Wonder if the support would have been the same if she just decided not to make breakfast one morning or not have clean clothes organised for the day or not agree to help out the massively large family of my grandfather? Of course after the first 40 odd years things shifted and the responsibility reduced, but still. In the height of it, did she ever want to throw in the towel and say, this is ridiculous?

I am 'teased' (its a kind of teasing that is judgy and is said with a laugh so you and they can pretend its a joke, haha) to this day that I don't do what I need to do as well as I should - cook, clean, etc. I just do it enough - my standards not someone else's who don't see their misogyny while 'teasing' me and actually believe they are highly equal.

Daily micro battles for people like me but for many others minor irritants to be ignored and an opportunity to rise above it - why, so we can give them more room to perpetuate patriarchy??

I have stopped engaging and stepped away. Many are still are working with it, I say more power to them. This book makes it clear that it is not just me, I just don't let it go and deal (compromise, adjust, put up) with it.

I am glad we are talking about the ridiculously ingrained bias and maybe mine and the next couple will be the last generations to overwhelmingly put up with this nonsense. A powerful book and I hope men and women equally read it in order to start a conversation that can lead to something that we can all live with; without half the population feeling like they are invisible and mainly seen when they have a great figure, a beautiful face and a bikini on.

Caroline closes with; ''The consensus is clear; women are abnormal, atypical, just plain wrong. Why cant a woman be more like a man? Well, apologies on behalf of the female sex for being so mysterious, but no, we aren't and we can't. And that is the reality that tech bros, scientists and politicians just need to face up to. Yes, simple is easier. Simple is cheaper. But simple doesn't reflect reality".

It is a book that has validated many of my reactions to situations at work and at home and for that I truly thank you Caroline. She doesn't blame or question intent of men and their well-crafted (called by them who are objective and fair) systems, she just presents data. I just yell in frustration.

A fantasy I have is (with respect to gender equality and the acknowledgement of overt/nuanced patriarchy) that I am around to see the day when a bulb lights up over some members (male and female) of my immediate family and work, as friends I can drop. Actually dropping quite a few family members and work spaces too in the last year or so. Yup, I could be alone for the rest of my life and I am going to be okay with it.