Seeing like a Feminist - Nivedita Menon

My 50th blog post!! I would like to thank myself for ploughing through and all my family/friends who read & loved, who did not read & loved, who did not read & ignored and who read but pretended not to have! But, none of you said, stop sending and that I will cherish.

A book I should have read when it was published in 2012. A time when I was voicing all the angst/frustration of an unfair world (louder than ever) and I did not have 'proof' or justification that what I was going through was systemic and rampant and it was not just in my head or not just my unrealistic expectations.

Much of what Nivedita talks about, thankfully, is part of many conversations/shifts that are happening today. For me, it was a read that really helped in a whole prologue sort of way. I was able to piece together my story which was a bit lonely.

There are too many parts that resonated, sharing a few:

1. Loved how she voices the importance of 'seeing' like a feminist - 'it disorganizes and disorders the settled field, resists homogenization, and opens up multiple possibilities rather than close them off.'

2. Many people can relate to the whole wife and in-laws angst, Ekta Kapoor made her life with it. It is the Most relatable aspect of ‘family life’. Nivedita shares how it was contrived and made to happen by using culture to drive/create law. It worked in such a way that the wife was made completely dependent on the husband and his family - cutoff from parents (culture), your husband's home is yours (culture), the change in the inheritance laws, the shift away from matrilineal culture - the complete dependence of the wife on the marriage and the husband. 'That shrew of a wife caused havoc in my wonderful family' - why will there not be a struggle for control between the in-laws (mother, sister etc.) and the wife?? The wife has nowhere else to go, she has to either abide or be creative (manipulate, plot etc are the words generally used). Pause and take a look at the culture that made women financially dependent on the husband. My mother’s only mantra was, ‘make your own money, don’t depend on anyone‘. Her biggest regret was also that. We don’t hold the system (read patriarchy) accountable and say things like, a woman is a woman's worst enemy. On an unrelated (you see the relation right?) note; what about the wars that men have waged over millennia - fighting each other in the name of everything including peace? They are best friends? Not each other's worst enemies? As Nivedita says, let us continue to question the 'settled field'.

3. "Biology and culture are interrelated" - especially with respect to gender and sex. This conversation is everywhere now and needs to continue to be. For all the people who say, it’s everywhere and getting to be too much - I say, the pendulum had swung all the to one end and it needs to go all the way to the other end before it balances itself. We as a species don‘t know any other way to equalise, yet.

4. "Women are less influenced by abstract normative notions of right and wrong and more by contextual factors like empathy, concern and sensitivity to other's predicament". "And women's tendency not to take hard, de-contextualised moral positions is seen by mainstream western philosophy as a sign of their moral immaturity." I have so many times told people that I don't know how to figure out a 'right' in many situations and most people that I shared with would condescendingly nod their head indicating a feel-good about their strong grip on morality. I now know that I am stronger because of my openness to ambiguity than anyone else in their certainty - took me 3 decades to get here. But also, I think most people are a little bit of both when they deal with themselves. But are mostly moral driven when dealing with others. There in lies the judgement.

5. She grounds the importance of context and therefore the need to be cognisant of how we ’situate’ feminism. The jostling for a definition and the putting down of each other’s approach to it will just take us longer to get to the utopia of equality. We should spend time paying attention to our daily battles in this space and send only good vibes to all the women and men who are fighting the good fight - not worry about what tools they are using and how dare they etc.

And it’s really okay to pick the issue you want to, there is no need to tackle all of them.

A really well-written and eclectic (a reviewer used it and I concur) book. One for the ages. Thank you Nivedita for being part of the group of women (I never knew that I was a feminist all my life) and men who made it possible for the younger generations to say, ‘oh, no, no, we are not feminist, we want equality’. Same difference people - equal respect, value and being understanding of the differences.

“To be a feminist is to feel part of the history that has produced us; it is to insert oneself into two centuries of thick, textured narratives of struggles and celebrations that transcend national boundaries; to hear the strains of songs of anger and sorrow and militancy in many tongues; to remember our heroines, our foremothers; and above all, to feel an enormous sense of continuing responsibility“.

On another note - did a 7 episode podcast on feminism, seriously. We thought we knew! Here’s the link to it, I dare you.

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